August 15: We had our engagement party today, at Caboolture Bowls Club. It was a casual evening of lawnbowls and bbq food.
Shan
Andy the Optometrist - fierce!
Shan and I met while volunteering for Brisbane Pride Fair Day last year. It was late in the afternoon and we were wristbanding people as they came through the front gates. We got to talking about traveling and tattoos and as the day came to a close we made plans to catch up later that evening at the after-party. That night, at the Wickham, we were having a good time drinking and getting to know each other when I asked Shan if she wanted a tequila shot, saying we could try the new tequila shot - the 'Lick. Sip. Suck. Pash!' and she agreed (about 2 months later I found out Shan hates tequila and only did it to kiss me - awww!). We spent all night together, then the whole next weekend and from that point on I was addicted.
About two weeks after we started dating, I was staying at Shan's and woke in the middle of the night stressing about work and unable to sleep. I must have tossed enough to wake Shan and she sat up and asked me if I was alright. I apologised for waking her and she told me not to worry about it. Instead of being annoyed and falling straight back to sleep, she started talking to me. Not about work, but about what we'd be doing that weekend. I couldn't help but think about how sweet and wonderful she was and after a few minutes my stress had subsided and I was able to relax enough to go back to sleep. In that moment, right before I fell asleep, I was overwhelmed with one thought - she's the one for me. It was the most definite, clear thought I'd ever had in my life and I fell asleep wrapped around her admitting to myself that I was already in love.
When we'd been dating for about 6 weeks, we were out at a club with our friends and I confided in our friend Cassie that I was in love with Shan, but was hesitant to tell her as we hadn't been together long and I thought if I told her now she might think me an 'obsessed lesbian', freak out and run away. Cassie assured me that Shan was as into me I was into her (you'd think we were 12!). Still, I'd decided I'd wait a little longer, even just a few more weeks, and tell her once we knew each other better. That resolve lasted all of 24 hours until the next night when we were laying in bed and not able to keep it in any longer I told Shan I loved her. It was true, why not tell her?
From that point on Shan practically moved into my place, with occasional visits to her place to pick up clothes and art supplies. We continued like this for about a month until my lease was due to expire and we make the bold decision to move in together. We hunted around town before finding the perfect apartment for us, which was conveniently located just 3 doors down the corridor in the same building I was already living in.
The easiest move in history took place and a few days before our three-month anniversary, Shan and I were living together. I had to fly to Sydney that weekend for my gran's 80th birthday and when I came back, Shan had turned our house into a home, the most perfect home I'd ever lived in. This is one of the things I love most about her, the way she can turn anything bland into something homely and warm.
Around our 9 month anniversary, Shan and I were talking to her family about getting married in Canada and making tentative plans for them to be there for it, which meant we were talking dates. As much as I wanted to marry Shan, I kinda wanted it to all happen the right way, with an engagement first. So I began thinking about it, about the ring I would buy and the way I would ask her. As we walked through malls I'd point out diamond rings at the jewellers and Shan would screw her nose up, saying they're definitely not the kind of thing she would ever wear! So I searched the internet for the perfect ring. I looked at antiques, monitored auction sites and looked into having something made. But none of them were right and I was starting to worry I would have to have to compromise. I knew Shan would like anything I bought, but I wanted to her to LOVE it.
Then, I found it. I was searching Etsy for inspiration and came across the perfect ring - small, simple and a fantastic word play. I ordered it and after it arrived I kept it at work, pulling it out every few days and imagining what it would look like on Shan's hand. I thought the ring might be too small so at every occasion I would try to line up my fingers with Shan's to measure them without her knowing. But I couldn't do it properly without letting on what I was doing so I figured I would just have to try my luck with it and get it resized later if it didn't fit.
As our one year anniversary approached I decided this was when I wanted to do it - to propose to the girl I loved more than gummy bears. I was confident she'd say yes, but still I wanted it to be perfect. About a month before our anniversary Shan told me how one day she'd like to write story books for our kids, books about kids with two mums. Bingo! - I would write a story book about us and how we got together and one day our kids could read it and know how much we loved each other right from the beginning.
On the morning of our anniversary we were laying in bed, looking out at the ocean and Shan asked me if I was ready for my gift. Of course I was! I love presents! I unwrapped it to find a book, an old novel. I opened it up and found on each page Shan had glued pictures, receipts, emails, quotes, letters and songs collected throughout our relationship. The book was divided into months and Shan told me she began it right after we started dating. It was the most perfect gift I'd ever received. So much thought and love had gone into it and I took in each page, smiling at all the things we'd done together.
Now it was my turn. Suddenly I was nervous. I'd thought about proposing for so long and now the moment had finally arrive I was worried she wouldn't like the gift, wouldn't like the ring, wouldn't say yes..
I brought the book to Shan and she smiled, noted we'd both given the other a book, and began reading. She kept smiling and as she turned to the third last page, where it said - "Zanne had a question to ask Shan, the most important questions she would ever ask her. But she was worried she wouldn't have the words when she needed them most so she wrote her a book", Shan jerked her head towards me with the most priceless "What the heck?!" look on her face. I told her to keep reading. On the next page, Zanne proposed to Shan, asking her to marry her. I pulled the ring out of my pocket and said it out loud - "Shan, will you marry me?" She said yes, and kissed me, and kissed me, and kissed me some more. It was the best moment of my life so far! I didn't realise that being engaged would feel any different, but at that moment I loved Shan more and felt more connected to her than I had just a few moments before.
The ring was too small, so Shan just put it on her pinky and we spent the most awesome day together eating breakfast, walking by the beach and calling each other 'fiance'. Hehe fiance. It still makes me giggle like a school girl.
All of Shan's family and our friends are absolutely stoked for us, my sisters Liz, Sally and Wendy are excited and my folks are 'happy I am happy'. I am happy - ecstatic, elated, thrilled, excited, rapturous and euphoric!
We're planning an intimate autumn wedding in Vancouver next year. There will be tea lights, piles of books and placemats made out of sheet music. The rest will be secret.
I can't wait to be married to Shan, to be able to say things like "my wife can't cook, but she can paint up a storm" or "let me just ask my wife if I can get drunk with you Michael". But for now I am loving being engaged, and being in love for real reals.
June 14: We're engaged! 
June 13: Brisbane Pride Festival's March and Fair Day - all you need is love!
June 12: We saw Pink! AKA the best concert I've ever seen - how does she manage to fly on a trapeze and sing upside down??
Shan
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